Snapshots
by Mygayshoes
Summary: The many faces of Helen Magnus.
1. The Fool

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sanctuary. Why is this even a question?**

**A/N: I am unable to access my previous account, thus I am reposting so I can update freely.**

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**The Fool**

The fool begins her descent much by chance. A roll of the dice- a gamble, a chance- a split second and then she was tumbling down the rabbit hole as such speed that all the incredible sights she saw whizzed by her eyes too quickly to be polite.

She was a fool. A terribly stubborn fool. A fool who tried to do her very best to protect- to study. A fool who strove to learn.

A fool with the best of intentions- but a fool nethertheless.

She had been too wrapped up in everything around her- too absorbed in her own blind determination to actually think about what she had been doing. Consequences, penalties, the very cost she would have to pay for her actions were something she had never considered. How the outcomes of her demands would forever change, shape her- how it would define who she would become, were something that had once seemed so irrelevant.

How ignorant she had once been.

She can remember the day, the descent into duty and honour and obligation and responsibility.

She stood, hidden behind a door- knowing she had no business to be there,_eavesdropping_ of all things, but something deep inside her refused to let her walk away.  
"_You must understand, Gregory, the board has been patient with you, but their generosity has limits_. " A familiar voice had cut through from inside the room, deep, exasperated. A scientist, or doctor- or one in the same. His cutting words sliced her up inside. A surge of anger rushed around her body, at his silent threat.  
"_As does their imagination! Can you not fathom the secrets we are on the verge of unlocking_?" Her father's voice filled the air; anyone could hear the passion in his voice. The sound of a man committed to his work- who knows that what he is doing is so right..  
"_By accepting your hysterical and outlandish case studies as fact?_" Another man spoke, mocking her father with anger in his voice. Her lip trembled, moving away from the door, she set her expression back into a calm mask.

The emotions she felt tumbled through her, predominantly ruled by confusion. Never had they seemed so angry at him, never. Their sharp, cutting words had struck her heart, causing such pain.

Soon, the 'doctors' and 'scientists' had left, leaving her father alone in his study, looking utterly defeated, like a great warrior who had for once lost a battle and just couldn't understand. Like the man who had been locked in darkness for all his life, only to free himself and wander into the sunlit world above, to return to the mocking sneers of his friends who couldn't believe what he saw no matter how hard he tried to convince them.  
"_I don't understand why are they always so angry at you."_ Her desperate pleas spilled out of her before she could control them- she had been so young, naive, innocent. Had she once been so blind to everything around her?  
"_They're not angry, sweetheart, they're afraid_. " Her father's voice made her courage grow, curiosity and desperation filled her, along with a thousand other feelings she couldn't quite make out.  
"_What have you done to make them so afraid of you? Tell me_. "Her pleas grew more desperate, a warm liquid swelled in her eyes. Tears. Still, her father's eyes, his warm, gentle eyes that held nothing but love, were filled with something else.  
"_I can't."_

His words, final and unconditional seemed to run slowly throughout her body in an icy painful fashion, slowly infiltrating and eating away at her.

All parents protect their children, from things that could harm them while they slept. From the mad men in shadows that wield knives as other men wield words, from the frenzied creatures that snarl full of rage, from the demons that lurked around looking for any chance to tempt children away even from the things that nightmares are made of.

All parents protect their children, and she was a fool for seeing things that didn't exist. Her father, her warm, gentle caring father who brought meaning to _'the eyes are the windows to the soul',_ He _had_ been protecting her. Against the duty and honour and responsibility she had heaped on herself. She had always been so full of pride, so sacrificing. So foolish.

Had he known about what would come of exposing the world she had been so blind to see. Surly he would have known, that she, with her deep rooted sense of right and wrong, wouldn't, couldn't accept that the suffering and conditions that human had forced upon Abnormals. That she would strive to protect and not falter in the face of any threat or temptation.

She was a fool. But she was also her father's daughter.  
_"You...are the most talented medical researcher I have ever known and yet you keep your most important work hidden from the world, from me. If you truly believe that I have potential, Father, please...help me achieve it."_

Her descent into duty and honour and obligation came much by chance. An impulsive thought, a surge of emotions and a desperate plea. Her father, her dear father had never been able to deprive her from anything she so wished to have. A gentle, kind hearted soul, that erupted into a burning blaze of passion for his work, a blaze that put the great volcanoes of the world to shame.  
_"Once you enter this door, you are on a path that cannot be reversed."_

The fool begins her descent much by chance. A roll of the dice- a gamble, a chance- a split second and then she finally walked into the light and saw the things she had once dismissed as tricks of the light- impossibilities.

Creatures, all so much more than human. So much better. So much potential. They were the true inheritors of the earth. They were the future, encompassing what could be, what must be and what should be.

But she was a fool- blind still to the possibilities she didn't want to be true. Bound by duty and honour and obligation and responsibility.

She was a fool.

'_Ashley. Listen to me. Please. I don't want to do this. You don't want to do this.'_

A terribly stubborn fool.

'_Do you remember when you were small? You used to come into my room in the middle of the night. You'd crawl into my arms and you'd say, "Mummy, I'm afraid.'_

A fool who tried to do her very best to protect- to study.

'_Ashley, please...'_

A fool who strove to learn.

'_Mom?'_

A fool with the best of intentions, a compassionate fool.

'_You'll never be without me, and I know that you will always love me. No matter what.'_

But a fool nethertheless.

'_I'm so sorry...'_

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	2. Le Bateleur

**Disclaimer: As per previous chapters.**

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**Le Bateleur**

_11__th__ July 1882_

_I have so many things to tend to tonight. Yet my thoughts stray needlessly to such dark places, that I cannot possibly keep my thoughts on the tasks' ahead._ _I cannot possibly find a way to describe the conflicting emotions that play out such a dreadful war in my mind. They torment me, as they fight in my mind, and I cannot help but to try and understand why I feel so conflicted, yet the elusive emotions quickly fall out of my grasp. What is truly good, and what is truly evil? Philosophers have been trying to understand that question for centuries, and I am certain they- we- will truly never understand. For how can a person provide an answer, if they do not first understand the question?_

_I fear I have gone off the topic that truly disturbs me._

_I have managed to acquire a very rare vial of sanguine vampiris blood, taken before the purging. The possibilities that this could provide are endless! I truly cannot wait until it arrives tomorrow morning, when I shall announce my outline for an experiment I wish to conduct, using the Vampire blood, which I believe could be the source for some of the genetic abnormalities displayed by my father's patients._

_To properly conduct this experiment, I have realized that I cannot possibly ask another sapient being to inject themselves with a serum made from the 'Source Blood', as I have named it. I have no reliable data, on what the possible repercussions may be. A feat such as what I will be attempting, has, to my knowledge, never before been attempted._

_There are many conflicting thoughts that overwhelm me, I understand the character of my friends well enough, that they will certainly object to this. However, it isn't their right to dictate my actions. I refuse to let them attempt to quell my scientific curiosity, based only on the inherent 'weaknesses of the female specie.'_

_There is much at risk with this experiment, but I am certain that the possible outcome outweighs the intrinsic risks._

_If this experiment is successful, it could revolutionize all we know about science, medicine and history. While I hold an exceptional amount of faith in it's worth, I still hold reservations over its effects._

_I have considered the change of irreversible damage to my person, and I have made arrangements in the unfortunate event of my death. If I truly wish to prove its worth, then it must be I who will undergo such a procedure._

_There is also the issue of John._

_I love him, of that I am absolutely certain. However, I know he will be the one who will disapprove of this experiment the most._

_I then must show him the significance of this experiment, and hope he agrees to be there when I attempt it._

_-HM_

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_12__th__ July 1882_

_The source blood has arrived at last. I have three hours before I shall meet with my dear friends. An experiment of this nature has never been considered, and yet I ask them to help me. Does that make me a selfish person?_

_Still, as the hour draws closer, I imagine the reactions of each of them._

_I am certain that James will be just as excited as I am. He and I share a peculiar way of thinking, of imagining. He of course, will object at first. If only at the small chance of injury. However, he will understand the most; he had always understood my burning desire for knowledge._

_John will certainly be against the entire idea, but I am certain he will support me, if he others lend me their support. I truly hope that he will agree to such a pursuit. Everytime I think about him, my heart and mind seem to twist, and so I leave my thoughts surrounding him to blend into the background._

_Nigel will certainly offer himself in my place. He has always been so sweet and kind. Always polite and courteous, without treating me as others do. He respects all of us equally. It is he who I must convince of the safety of the trial, as it will be his biggest concern._

_Nikola. Nikola will truly be the proverbial 'wildcard'. His behaviour is very difficult to dictate on the best of days, as the quirks of his personality force him to act in such peculiar ways. Still, I consider him a dear friend, and I hope he will adhere to my decision._

_It had taken me over an hour to pen down my thoughts, and as there is much to do before I meet with the others, I must take my leave, and pray for a positive outcome._

_I fear for them, the repercussions they may face if the experiment goes very wrong. I have taken the appropriate measure to absolve them of any punishment they may face in the event of my incapacitation, as result of this experiment. If it does go horribly wrong, it would have been through nothing more than my own foolishness._

_To pen down all my thoughts, in this journal, I understand that this will be nothing more than fiction to any informed eye. As a scientist, as a researcher, I feel as if I must observe, note and record everything that occurs, to record for further generations._

_It feels at times, that I simply do not have enough time to research and see, everything I dearly wish to._

_I must place trust in the opinions of my friends and if it comes down to it, I must respect their decisions as well, as I know they respect mine._

_-HM_

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_13__th__ July 1882_

_Tomorrow. Tomorrow shall be the day, which we take our futures into our own hands. In which we must decide on which path we choose._

_I feel so emotionally, physically and mentally drained. As I had predicted, James saw what I had imagined, and stood on my side as we debated for hours on the Source Blood. John, again, as I predicted, was completely against the idea of myself being the test subject. Nigel seemed, in part, to agree with John. Both eloquent speakers, they argued with James and I for hours._

_Nikola, for once in his life, was silent. He agreed with John on the 'absurdity' of I as the first subject. This was perhaps the only time that both Nikola Tesla and John Druitt had agreed on a topic._

_Towards the end of the meeting, Nikola and Nigel both conceded to my arguments, but the image of John, looking so utterly betrayed haunts me. Even though, he assures me that it is only the thought of harm to me that drives him to dispute my research._

_We have all agreed to inject ourselves with the serum I have derived from the blood, all five of us. It is truly heart warming to see that my friends are willing to place themselves in harm's way to prove that I am a capable scientist._

_After the dispute was settled, we all agreed to lay our emotions aside, and to speculate on the most likely outcome. Both James and Nikola seem to agree that dormant abnormal genes will be activated, even if their lines of thinking are completely different, they both intersect. Nigel however, seems to think that the source of possible abnormalities lies in the source blood itself, and not within any latent abnormality. That the blood itself will mutate us, through its chemical makeup._

_John however seemed to be certain the Source blood was going to bring nothing but death._

_There is no turning back now._

_-HM_

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_14__th__ July 1882_

_Oh Good Lord. What have I done?_

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